Not are there bad days but there are days where i do fight of depression which does come hand in hand.First of all i want to say i am blessed and very lucky i have only one child with ASD and with him our lives have changed and he already has taught us so much.How you appreciate all the little things,you learn what patience is all about and what us as parents all take for granted with nurotypical children.I know i did as well before having Tyler was diagnosed.I find i just cry at the drop of a hat at what is HUGE for us(maybe not as over emotional now,but it truely does make you beam with an indescribable amount of proudness.I have been walking in these shoes now for over 2 years) ..Like Tyler learning how to smile,learning how to laugh,getting jokes,learning new skills that come naturally for most kids.He takes most things literally.Every milestone,sports(as he also has low muscle tone~but must add he has really progressed here as well)Or even he's sensory issues(is thought he has a sensory disorder)I wont ramble on too much in my intro as i have to start at the beginning...:)
Tyler is 7 1/2 years old..We are very close and have a very strong bond,i am he's world and he is mine.My promise to Tyler the day he was diagnosed was i will do everything possible to make he's life that much easier.He never asked for this world and heck i never asked for this world,none of these children should have to go through what they do.I carry alot of blame on my own shoulders but i live with it and try not to let it get me down,what can you do..I cant go back in time and change anything.If there was anything i could do or give up for Tyler to be "normal" i would.I have to say i love all my children more than life itself they are my whole world and a mother's love is very strong but a love for a child with a disability/special needs,you have a protectiveness for your child that you never knew existed,after all you are your child's advocate.
I had a very stressful pregnancy with Tyler,at 30.4 weeks gestation i went into labour with Premature Rupture of Membranes,strep b infection and contractions every 2 1/2 mins.Luckily with having double the dosage of medication to stop labour, labour stopped by the time i got to a bigger hospital equipped to handle a 30 wker.The aim was to have the steroids within 24 hrs and then he was able to be born.30 weeker wasn't a problem.I carried on with the pregnancy for another 4 weeks(another thing we learnt a baby does so much better naturally in its mother womb.We all know this but until you see this first hand,you truely see what 1 day can even do.This you dont fully understand until experiencing the roller coaster ride with a premmy),it was always prematurity verses infection.Apart from the strep b infection which i was on medication for,drips as my waters were constantly leaking for the next 4 weeks+ ronald mcdonalds, but as i was remaking my fluids every 24 hours and Tyler always had enough fluids around him and was a healthy size.At 34.4 weeks it was decided i was at high risk,i was showing signs from having an infection from waters being left open for too long.
Induction and Tyler was born with Respiratory Distress Syndrome,premature lung disease and high levels of jaundice.First week on the ventilator,to rest he's lungs as he's lungs weren't strong enough.He had just under a month in 3 different hospitals.Bonding with a premature baby is hard.You spend the first 3 weeks tube feeding and unable to breastfeed..well once a day from 36 weeks,gosh it was 6 days to see he's eyes open and to have a cuddle.Which i know is a lot more than most premmies.(we were lucky not to enter the world of having a micro premmie so our problems were nothing campared to a lot of others)I honestly think alot of he's problem's come from he's prematurity and not only that i think if he was born at 30 weeks he would of done better.Everything i have ready about what they think can cause aspergers,infection in the mother during pregnancy,lack of oxygen in the baby at birth or after..(Plus for me having 4 full term babies and they are all fine)but then makes you wonder there are a lot of premmies out there that are born earlier without aspergers,but the million dollar question what is the cause!?The numbers are increasing all the time:( The world we live in today has alot to do with it.Immunizations,food coloring/preservatives.Genetics has to play a part and as none of us knows what was around in our past generations. Aspergers is something that happens at birth and isnt noticed until the prep/preschool years.
We were told that it would take Tyler 2 yrs to catch up fully on any delays from hes prematurity.So there were always the delays,which now looking at the delays were still only slight delays nothing significant really.He was fully toilet trained at 3 1/2 yrs which is still pretty good i thought,boys are usually a little slower.Plus the birth of he's baby brother he progressed backwards as kids do.He's speech even at 4 yrs to me being hes mother i could completely understand every word he was saying,but not to others.Which was the beginning of the therapy world for us and the start of hes problems being picked up.(looking back i think what did i miss...never even heard of aspergers how super slack is that) I thing that always sticks in my mind is when the older kids would be annoying Tyler i would say just ignore them.Tyler would give them no personal space and get right in their face and scream IGNORE!!He was always loud,but so are alot of boys and he's older brother always was.Another thing when hes baby brother was a about 2 weeks old,he poked him in the eye.Had to do a hospital visit,swollen eye in a new baby.Was awful:( but i wonder now.Fascination with the eye and maybe the way he was processing information.Even today if were travelling in the car and Kayden is sleeping he will try and open hes eyes and tell him to wake up.
But i know we had him diagnosed at the youngest age possible.We were one of the lucky ones.Tyler has been in therapies since 4 years(speech and occupational therapists)Where he's low muscle tone was first noticed and during he's assessments it was sugguested that we visit a specialist.From this point is when i suspected that was something more..maybe an underlaying problem...a gut feeling:( mothers instinct!!I think when he was younger and a health nurse tried to tell me she couldnt understand he's speech,i went into a defensive mode.You dont want to hear that but when i was told by a dr at hes 4 yr check up and he was going to do up a speech therapist referral,not much you can say back to that:( During Tyler's prep year(5 yrs) there was obviously a problem.
I guess to the untrained eye you mightened of noticed,as its like that with an invisible disability.He's low muscle tone was very noticeable as well.Tyler was diagnosed at 5 1/2 years,it only took us 3 mnths for a diagnosis.Keeping a diary for the 3 mnths helped and all the research i did,i read everything i could get my hands on with Autism/Aspergers and ADHD.We were relieved to get the diagnosis,finally knew what Tyler had and where we needed to go from there and needed the diagnosis to get him the extra help at school.I am forever greatful esp in the first year after the diagnosis to family friends teachers teacher aides therapists that went the extra mile with giving us support.Acceptance and the grieving process is never easy and sometimes even if you dont understand it just having someone to listen to goes a long way.I have recently learnt that the grieving process comes and goes.Where i honestly thought it happened the once and got on with life.Its the more you learn about Aspergers and can put yourself into he's shoes,where your heart just breaks but will talk more on that later so i can finish my intro=]
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