Camping trip and Back to School for 2012

We went camping from the 14th-21st January.Just hubby and I and the 2 little boys.This year we had my bil/sil site and was across from where the community tent is.I'll admit I was really looking forward to camping but nervous at being around so many ppl and didn't know know how I would cope with my anxiety.As every year my husbands mother's side of the family go camping at this location.Aunts/uncles/cousins ect..This break was exactly what I needed,to get away and to relax.For the first 5 days I was overwhelmed and did suffer from my anxiety,too many ppl..so I kept to myself and socialized by night.I took my meds/valium when I felt the anxiety coming on and couldn't take it anymore,I took my daytime sleep.By the 6&7 day,I didn't need to take the Valium and socialized more as some of the relies had packed up and gone home.Smaller groups I can do.It wasn't hard to notice when I need a sleep from others,and Steve see's the signs straight away,and tells me I either need a sleep or to have some time to myself and go for a walk.Steve was wonderful and completely did everything while we were camping.Proud of he's insight to depression and anxiety now.It means a lot when rellies ask how Tyler is going,or notice if he seems a little off.If you sincerely seem to care about my children and especially Tyler,you will quickly take a place in my heart<3,since we've been home from camping my anxiety is a lot better.I haven't needed to take any more Valium,I've stopped my daytime sleep,although I must admit I'm pushing myself not to sleep,now its a tiredness I feel instead of exhaustion.But hence I am up at 5am,I wont say I'm doing 2 gym classes 4 days a week and 1 hr sessions 2 days a week.I do feel up to it,but at the same time I am trying to be careful I don't exhaust myself,if I see the signs I will have to slow it down.My energy levels are back and my fitness is coming back.I'm hoping in a month I will fully have my fitness level back to where I was at.I'm getting to bed early so I'm getting enough sleep,I feel ready to have my goals back in place and this year finally get to my end goal.I gained 3.5kg in the week from camping...:( was not happy but when your drinking and eating crap that's what it does..Working hard this week I know it seems impossible but I have dropped 3.3kg,back to calorie counting as well.I'm seeing the psychologist once a week,which really does help.Another drs appointment coming up soon to check in and I will have to have another blood test to check on my kidneys as last test showed them as being stressed.

My babies are all back to school,except my eldest daughter.She's finished grade 12,her goals are to get her provisional licence first.She is working and slowly getting more hours.Its pretty tough becoming an adult and to know what you want to do with your life.Its hard to believe my girl will be turning 18 in a matter of mnths.Lachlan started grade 11 on the Tuesday this week,so he got an extra day at home after 8 weeks of school holidays.Micayla Started grade 8 on the Monday,she was pretty excited and is loving being at highschool.She is already proving that she does indeed have organizational skills,where she has always lacked in.Tyler and Kayden started back also on the Monday in grade 3 and Prep!!!

Tyler~He's meds are well and truly working now(Prozac) I'd have to say I am happy with hes dosage and I wont be increasing it at this point.He is a lot calmer,and he knows why he is taking it and he can see he's own aggression in himself.So our plan is 12 mnths and he will be seeing a private psychologist this year to learn coping skills.This year Tyler has to learn more independence at school,he needs to walk himself up the stairs to the classroom in the mornings,that we haven't mastered yet as Dad had last week off,which was wonderful for the boys first week back.Tyler's had a good week,has been calm I'm told.But at school it has never been a problem.Tyler has a relieving teacher for the first 3 weeks,which the school was wonderful and rang and notified us the weekend before school went back,from both the principal and learning support teacher.Tyler dosent like hes school clothes,as they hurt hes skin,so he dosent like school for that reason.He has taken all he's cover of hes school books,sensory..dosent like them.Which is fine,you accept anything when your child lives in a sensory world.Afternoons he does get easily agitated,to be expected though.I must say he did have a lovely break, a break without rules and structure and enjoyed being a normal child.This will be implemented during holidays.Tyler turns 8 next week,he is growing into a young man,we'd better start organizing what he has planned.Not much time from school goes back to hes birthday.

Kayden~My baby is at full time prep now..:(-:) lol,mixed feelings.He will be 5 next month where has that time gone!!!Kayden is adjusting well to school and it is huge esp with the new curriculum,there is alot expected from them and some are just not ready.I think Kayden is ready,its hard for him being away from me and once he starts making friends it will get easier,plus there are other issues going on that makes he's day a little harder.I've had a meeting with the speech and occupational therapist,a interview with the occupational therapist,assessment is made for this Wednesday where we will know more.Kayden has low muscle tone in he's hands and arms and struggles with he's fine motor skills,he needs support in the class room.My feelings on this..its manageable and we can deal with it,compared to Tyler its only a little hiccup,we will be doing alot of fine motor activities at home to help and try and build hes strength and it will have to be done everyday..I'm trying not to be hard on myself for not seeing it,afterall we have Tyler with low muscle tone..How did i miss this,i picked up on Kayden sensory quirks and were keeping an eye on those(as hes not old enough to filter them out)But i have been told i'm not a teacher or therapist,i'm a mum so i'm not expected to pick it up.(where Tyler's were hes legs,arms and neck)To most ppl you wouldn't pick it up,you dont really see it in hes day to day life,but when he is totally relaxed you can feel the lack of tone a little,just noticeable when hes doing fine motor tasks.This week i will find out hopefully my answer,if he has low muscle tone like Tyler has for life or he has it because he hasn't developed properly.Maybe its something genetic,we've gone through hes history..full term pregnancy,fed well,hes been healthy,milestones were early.He's file will go to the therapists meeting this Tuesday,they are feeling optimistic,as hes on a waiting list but as he's at prep and needs help straight away.Kayden has already told me im not allowed to kiss or cuddle him at school,so the other kids dont see...lol,dont wanna embarrass him!!Hes little saying this week is,boys hate girls and girls hate boys lol

Both the boys started swimming this week.Tyler did well for he's first session back,didnt zone out too many times.Kayden seemed nervous but he was a pro,loved the water and did everything he was told to.He's instructor(also Tylers)said he'll move him up but not too quickly coz of hes age,but next term he can go into mainstream classes.

Tan Xoxo

This is becoming a frequent occurance=) Yay!!

Another week.Its hard to believe that the kids only have left 12 days before they go back to school from their summer holidays.What have we done?!!Absolutely nothing(in 7-8 weeks).Now i started of feeling guilty and like a terrible mother.Like us all we have alot of plans to do over the holidays.I no longer feel guilty,as my older kids are old enough to understand that Mum isn't well,and have seen it all so i'm sure they understand the concept of depression more now.Even the little boys understand Mum is sick at the moment and they need to ask Dad.These holidays have showed me how important it is for Tyler(my 7 yr old with Aspergers) to for a short time act like a normal child with no structure and no rules,for our therapists and ourselves we are learning as we go.I cant tell you just how relaxed he has been,while a part of me does feel guilty for allowing him to do what he's been wanting to do,to think its no different from the average child.To watch him with no routine,no expectations and to play like a normal...yes neuro typical child and to see a relaxed happy child,it cant get much better than this.A couple of times we have seen a very natural smile on our child.Not a fake false smile that an Aspergers child gives.

Our holidays have been about my recovery and also term 1,i believe it will take all of this time and so do the professionals i am seeing.At this point i come number 1,even before my husband and kids.Drs and psychologist this week.For the next 2 weeks or when the meds run out i have now agreed to take valium for my anxiety.(will not agree at any point to anti depressants) Valium is an instant relief,that takes away the anxiety and gives me a clear head,how quickly i could become addicted to them.Its only short term,i am young and their highly addictive.Only to be taken when the anxiety has gotten too much and i'm at home as side effects are drowsiness.In 3 days i have only taken 1 tablet,even though i could of easily taken more but have relied on my daily sleep to help with my symptoms of anxiety.Now my anxiety is bigger than the depression. Apparently that happens.A simple daily activity can start up my anxiety,like going to the drs or the psychologist and it progresses over the day even to the point where it takes over your whole body.Shopping centre's are the worst,to start with its all of your senses lights,noise and people..Your head starts pounding,it feels like everything is caving in on you,you cant breathe,you feel like passing out.Hot flushes,and you finding yourself practicing your deep breathing(evenly)to allow more oxygen into your body and when your at this point you have to get out of that situation.I know shops are too much,but i still have to do certain chores.Its over crowded area's and dosent matter who these ppl are either.

We are actually doing something YAY..with the family from the 14th-21st Jan,camping with my hubby's side of the family.I am looking forward to it and it will be great for the kids,to get out of the house and outdoors and enjoy being kids,go to the beach,have water gun fights,go for a walks,board games ect,although i am nervous as right now i cant handle being around too many ppl,so where these drugs will come in handy i guess if needed and no matter where i am,my daily sleep is needed for my survival.Am realizing i am not a depressed person,i have an illness and i am recovering.I am also a changed person,i have learnt a lot,i'm not going to be the same person i was.My life is all about myself,husband and children.They are my no 1 priority.Family and friends come next,realizing how everything effects Tyler and myself.I am 1 person,there is alot to being a mother to 5 children and a special needs child.Destressing my life as much as possible,ive started to declutter the house so it makes it easier for the kids and i.Not having high expectations of myself,it dosent matter if the house isn't clean,we have a family so we live in a home.I would rather spend more quality time with my kids and life is short.Id rather the kids memories being that we had lots of fun times together not that i was highly stressed,sick becoz of it and worried more about what the house looked like.

I am slowly recovering,but it feels like your sitting at the edge of the seat...one step backwards and i would be back where i was.Im slowly regaining more energy,again as long as i get my daily nap.Im able to take care of the littlies by myself(what a feeling that is) even playing board games(which is the best feeling and enjoy seeing their happy little faces)and maintaining the housework.Im starting to see i want to hit goals again,back to calorie counting but without depriving or starving myself lol,focusing on personal training and my own workouts.Taking a break from classes altogether till term 2 when i'm fully recovered and have my energy back 100%.I've already lost 1kg from the xmas weight i gained(1.8kg) All positive thinking=)

Ive also started reading and am enjoying it,its very relaxing.The book i'm reading 'Handle with Care'(Jodie Picoult)Thanx Chantell for getting me onto this wonderful Author.Just love her books,even bought another for camping today.Is giving me real insight with any family with a child with a disability,the pressures it puts on a family,wife & husband and siblings.I understand now even more from Micayla's(13 yr daughter) the frustration she must feel with Tyler and the extra responsibility she would feel than just seeing that they really clash together.This week my 17 yr old daughter moved back home after exploring the outside world for herself.We love having her back home,and it is like xmas for Tyler.He cant stop smooching and cuddling her,its very sweet:)

Its hard to believe that Kayden(nearly 5 yr old) is starting full time prep in 12 days...my baby!!:( even though i am feeling sad and i will really miss him.I do feel guilty with Kayden at times,so much goes into Tyler that i feel like i missed out on alot with Kayden.A normal feeling i know.I am looking forward to this year though once i am past my recovery and back to me.After raising my 5 kids,its time for me.Having time for Tyler's work which piles up on me.Giving everything up in term 1 is going to be hard but i know i'm not up to it.Also with Tyler's psychologist away for a couple of mths this year,we are able to access a private one under the mental health care plan,as hes on meds for 12 mnths...here that works with children.Term 1 is going to be wonderful for Tyler,only school and home life,we definitively put too many outside activities on our children these days.I do it with tyler for different reason but it can become too much.

Better sign of for now=)

Tan Xoxo

Our long awaited update:)

One of my new year resolutions is to become more active on here a lot of changes happening for next year so that will be on my to do list..


Over the last 4 mnths Tyler & I went down hill.I took too much on,lessons have been learnt the hard way.With being a mother to 5 kids,4 kids at home and a little boy with Aspergers,a sleeping disorder,low muscle tone,sensory disorder..Not broadcasting my son but painting a clear picture.While i'm not saying it is the worst thing to have,by far it isn't but on the other side it may not be the easiest.Most people will have their own opinions of my son,whether they mean to or not,they think they will know him from what they see or know us as parents from what they also see..or think they can do a better job.Dosent work that way,noone see's the way we parent Tyler nor know's exactly what it is like for Tyler.Unless you have a child with ASD yourself.Is the only way you can understand our lives and our son.


Support is another topic.At the end of the day,you can't reply on anyone nor expect anything from anyone.As there are a very few ppl that will give you the support you need.As i've mentioned before you quickly learn who you can lean on in the times of need.We are all going through our own battles but to think outside of your own box is a special gift.


I have lived in the therapy world for 4 years now and i have lived and breathed Aspergers now for 2 yrs 4 mnths.If your in my situation you'll know how very draining that is.There is constantly homework from therapy,working on new strategies,social stories,visuals and the list goes on.I teach coping skills for now and later on for my child everyday.My child thinks differently and everything is literal,i have to teach my child everything that other children it comes naturally.There isn't enough awareness out there,also alot of parents just take it all for granted as well unintentionally  of course unless this world becomes there's.This week i have had a close friend that received a diagnosis,different to ours.My heart breaks for her,i don't pretend i know how its going to be for her.I do know the grieving and acceptance is hard for any disability.But she is strong and she will get through this.


Over the last 4 mnths,there were obvious changes to Tyler and Myself..Funny how i didn't see the ones with myself.Although the dr and psychologist & LST had seen them earlier on.Mine slowly became worse over time but enough for others to see.Stress and exhaustion  hit me in a big way once Tyler needed to go onto antidepressants,i knew the signs of depression(from battling it alot of my adult years) the exhaustion had brought on my depression.My body so i am told was/is shutting down and needs to recover.Having all physical signs of stress and also a anxiety disorder.I'm dealing with it without meds myself(coz of previous bad experiences and i'm worse off if i was on something) Seeing a psychologist(which is a god sent)The last 4 weeks esp have been very difficult.Going from my body needing 2 sleeps during the day and early nights just to survive.Not being able to take care of the little boys without the constant help of my teenagers,not being able to do anything with my children during the holidays.Having to rely so much on my older kids and husband.How one chore can leave you absolutely exhausted.Having no fitness level,training like an elderly person.No rules nor structure for my ASD child,but i think its been great for him to act like a normal child for a change.Dealing with the aches from depression which can be all over plus your head is the worse,thoughts you cant control and hope if your asleep they'll go away.Some days you cant even deal with your head and you get over everyday feeling the same.Anxiety is awful(,i can relate how Tyler must feel everyday:( anxiety attacks drain you in a big way.I deal with anxiety every day,right not cant deal with alot of things,esp people,lights and noise.Although my progress is,i'm now down to one nap a day and again its a must...its survival.When the tiredness hits and then if you fight it off then the anxiety hits and its hard to get rid of the shaking,hot flashes and a racing heart and I have a little more energy,i'm ok from morning till lunch time but then go down hill afterwards,can now actually stay up little later before the exhaustion hits again.recovery is going to be a slow process.Term 1  2012 is about recovering from the exhaustion and depression.Tyler will have a break from therapists,the kids will take a break from all sports,other than swimming and hubby will take over.


Tyler went down hill faster,heartbreaking.Change and routine are always going to be big.We saw bigger meltdowns and aggression that continue to worsen.To the point we knew he needed help.Anxiety we have always dealt with and has been manageable.So we started him on prozac,he has now been on it for 4 weeks.Only side effect is we think,itchiness(found terrible scratches on him this morning,dosent know how they got there.So dosent remember)These ones are deeper than usual and this is with cut nails as well.Other than that he seems happy and calmer and dosent show aggression unless its something big..Different child right now.Our plan is to work with the psychologist over the next 12 mnths on coping skills and then wean him meds.Im quite excited this year with therapy as Tyler will have hes usual therapists till term 3.Term 4 we will have to go privately and travel.My youngest is also on the waiting list for speech and OT for 2012(5 in march)for assessments and we'll go from there.He has a lisp from sucking hes thumb and isn't positioning hes tounge properly when producing some sounds.I believe he has some of hes own little sensory quirks as most of us do just some more than others.


Goals for 2012- With a child with any disability you need to do things for yourself,otherwise you will get burn out.1 hr at Gym apparently dosent cut it everyday and is about fitness and being healthy.Meeting new people and know that i will get something out of a friendship that i need and works both ways,the give and take.As i do need support i will find this in different ways.Walking group,finding a hobby(photography)doing a 5km run and training for it.Reading, reorganizing my photos and doing digital scrapbooking,Cooking=) Time management to fit it all in lol


Tan Xxx